+

Peace is bad for Business.

+

December 9, 2008 Rants

+

1. This morning I was in a building and the sound system was playing a song, “I’m going to yump dumpy dumpy deedle all night long.” I’m deaf so the only words I heard were, “I’m going to yump dumpy dumpy deedle all night long.” Hearing these lyrics, you might well ask why there are so many songs written for children and so few songs written for old folks. Because even though I couldn’t understand all of the words to this song, I do know that the only thing a 71-year-old man wants to yump dumpy dumpy deedle do all night long --- is sleep.

+

2. Dr. Peter sends us this letter which says, “Greetings, humble-- In your Dec 2 show you opined the definition of "inveterate" is "without backbone". My Webster's says: 1. confirmed in a habit, feeling, or the like, 2. firmly established by long continuance, as a disease; chronic: from ME to grow old, allow to grow old, preserve. Looks to me like you may have inadvertently described yourself to a T. Merry Christmas to you and Marsha. dr. peter” Thank you Dr. Peter. I’m glad you heard and appreciated that remark. What I said was, “My weekly newsletter that you can get by asking is called the Whine & Snivel. This is because I am an inveterate whiner and sniveler.” And then I said that inveterate probably meant a person without backbone. And Dr. Peter gets full credit for hearing me say it. It was a throw away line that came to me as I was reading my script. So I’m glad that at least one person caught it and enjoyed it. Years ago when Marsha and I got married, people were forbidden to bring wedding presents but were required to buy something at the auction that we held after the wedding. We auctioned off a painting of a frog smoking a pipe, wearing a hat and sitting in a chair. My brother in law wrote an article about that wedding for Sam Pennington’s Antique Digest, included a picture of the frog in the article and said --- that because the frog was able to use both hands, he was obviously amphibious. And just now, when I Googled Archie Bunker Mrs. Malaprop, this quote turned up: "Charles Shackleford is sometimes remembered for telling a reporter after a NC State basketball game that "I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious.” So after 18 years I just learned that perhaps my brother in law is not as creative as I thought, but now I have to at least give him credit for having a good memory. I think there is a lesson to be learned here. If you keep listening to my show you will undoubtedly find it to be a vast suppository of information.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapropism

+

3. Well, you never know what you are going to find when you start Googling. When I first read about Charles Shackleford being able to shoot with his left hand or right hand, my initial impression was that he must be a comedian or a star in a cowboy movie. And then I found a page of quotes by Charles Shackleford and other people I’d never heard of. But one jumped off the page at me. Kate Moss. Because you will remember that a couple of weeks ago I got an email that said, “nude photos of Kate Moss.” I’d never heard of Kate Moss so I wrote something about how silly it is to look at nude photos of anybody, and then I put two links on my web page. One link said, “Nude photos of Kate Moss.” The other link said, “Nude photos of The humble Farmer.” The last time I looked, the page counter had Kate Moss ahead of me 178 to 109. So now I know that there really is such a person as Kate Moss. And this is what I learned today about Kate Moss. “Kate Moss, is an iconic English supermodel who is known for her waifish figure, high-profile relationships, party lifestyle, alleged cocaine use and advertising campaigns. She has appeared on over 300 magazine covers.” Makes sense. Don’t you imagine that it would be hard to appear on over 300 magazine covers and not get invited to parties?

+

4. Back around 1929 Mr. Bragdon came up to St. George from Ellsworth to teach school and in 1948 and 1949 when I was in the 7th and 8th grades Mr. Bragdon was my teacher. By 1948, Mr. Bragdon had established his credentials. He was a fair man who never brought the hardwood blackboard pointer down across your knuckles unless it was absolutely necessary. It was to his credit that I only saw him break one hardwood pointer, because vital juices have started to flow in 7th and 8th graders. For this reason I consider the 7th and 8th grades the most difficult grades for teachers and students alike. Back then as now, it took a lot of intestinal fortitude to stand before a class, some of whom would later teach at MIT and others who would never learn to read at all. Admit it or not, hundreds of us are indebted to the things we learned from Mr. Bragdon. Without even thinking about it, we use these things every day.

+

5. Are you familiar with the dead fish handshake? When I was in the 7th grade, Mr. Bragdon told us about the dead fish handshake and taught us how to shake hands. Because the dead fish handshake is self explanatory I’m not going to say anything more about it. But don’t you think it was significant that in a rural fishing community our teacher realized the importance of knowing how to shake hands? You probably won’t find social skills taught in your school today because --- well, how do you measure social skills on a written test? There was one thing Mr. Bragdon didn’t tell us, probably because he didn’t realize that some of us were going to be politicians and after dinner speakers: “after greeting 300 people at the door, go wash your hands.”

+

6. The most important things you learned in school can not be measured on a test. You know that as well as I do. Hopefully, at school, you learn how to be a good neighbor, how to be a good citizen. You don’t care if your neighbor can do algebra or how he scored on his tests. What is important is that he learned how to get along well with you. How can you evaluate teachers? You won’t know for 30 or 40 years if they were effective. One day a man came up to a teacher I know and said, “I didn’t know what you were teaching us at the time, but now I do.” It took years and years for that man to realize the value in his 8th grade education. Some have to spend three years in state prison before they finally get it. I can identify. It took me years to figure out what at least one of my professors at Gorham Normal School was teaching us. He was a smart, smart, far out man. I have heard it said that years ago teachers had a tradition of teaching of what worked and what was important. But more and more, education is being neglected --- pushed aside --- because nowadays --- if teachers know what is good for them, they will only prepare students to pass a standardized test.

+

7. My wife Marsha rushed into the room and said they were talking about price jacking on TV. For years I have wondered why, when I’m looking at a flight, the next time I come back to look at the same flight, the price has gone up. Marsha says that they see you’re interested in a flight and if you don’t book it right then and come back to it, the price goes up. I Googled price jacking, but I couldn’t find this particular TV show so I can’t tell you any more about it. Marsha said that they said the only way you can avoid that price increase you get when you come back, is to book the flight through another computer because once they know your computer is interested, the price goes up. I Googled price jacking and got this: “has anyone else noticed the price on certain items going up? I was looking at a drill, last week, it was $209, today, $239, what’s up with that?” So, my friend. Have you run into price jacking? I’d like to know more about it. I’m humble@humblefarmer.com’’

+

8. You know that I am a social commentator. For almost 30 years I have looked at facts and I have told you what I see. Many people have told me that I have a unique way of looking at things. You would think that facts would be facts, but no matter who presents facts, someone is very likely to come forward and raise a fuss about the way the facts were presented. For example, whenever anyone runs for an important office you can be pretty sure that it is a rich person. Who else has the millions of dollars it takes to run for important offices? It might be a fact that the rich person had illegal immigrants working in his or her house. But let’s face it. Every employer pays the lowest wages possible. So the person who manages your estate hires the people who will work for the lowest wages. --- And they just happen to be illegal immigrants. So there comes a day when you’re in front of a TV camera and someone asks you why you employed illegal immigrants. Makes no difference if you knew about it at the time or not --- is it true or is it not true?

+

9. Know thyself. Was it Sherlock Holmes who said that? I have applied this to myself for years and I’d like to know what you think. Because I happened to run across it the other day and now have the reference right under my fingertips, let me run it by you for your evaluation. Sherlock Holmes says that his older brother is his superior. Watson suggests that it is modesty that makes him acknowledge this. Holmes says, “My dear Watson,… I cannot agree with those who rank modesty among the virtues. To the logician all things should be seen exactly as they are, and to underestimate one’s self is as much a departure from truth as to exaggerate one’s own powers.” --- So. I can remember that years ago, when I would say that I couldn’t do this or that, my listener would accuse me of “fishing for compliments.” And when I feel I have managed to do something well, I don’t hesitate to admit it. What do you think? Do you find it difficult to be honest when talking about yourself with others? Do they think that you are either bragging or putting yourself down? Sherlock Holmes said, “to underestimate one’s self is as much a departure from truth as to exaggerate one’s own powers.” Should one circumvent the issue by not knowing anything about oneself at all?

+

10. Let me throw out here, for your edification, another quote from Sherlock Holmes, who says, “There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows. Yet they are not averse to comfortable chairs and the latest periodicals. It is for the convenience of these that the Diogenes Club was started, and it now contains the most unsociable and unclubable men in town. No member is permitted to take the least notice of any other one. Save in the Stranger's Room, no talking is, under any circumstances, allowed…” Sounds to me like three years into a dysfunctional marriage.

+