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April 6, 2008 Rants.

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KGB writes: It may be coincidence...or not......but I am coming across a lot of anti-National Public Broadcasting sentiment in the written press and on-line. NY Times ran an article suggesting that the concept and reality of public television had been usurped by cable.

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1. Everybody is sending out emails now. I just got one that said, “I'm a new girl who saw your profile.” Why would anyone who just became a girl be interested in me?

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2. And here is another junk email which makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me or if some people really are crazy. This junk email says, “see me in my bedroom getting undressed at…” such and such a website. Tell me if you think anyone who sends you an email like that is crazy. Yes. Tell me. I want to know what you think of this kind of email. Suppose I sent you an email that said, “See me in my bedroom getting undressed.” If I were to send it and you were to look at it, don’t you think most people would think that both of us were crazy?

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3. Here is a very interesting word that I heard for the first time today from my friend Soni. It may warrant rumination. You have heard of vegetarians. But today I learned that some people are opportunivors. I like that word because I am an opportunivor. Single men are probably all opportunivors. When I lived alone between the ages of 34 and 54 I was a full time opportunivor. People who have never had to prepare their own meals for 20 years have no idea of what a great feast a peanut butter sandwich is to an opportunivor. Opportunivors will always be welcome in my home. I would be the first to admit that they should even have their own special week every year.

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4. A friend of mine is trading in his truck to the people who sold it to him eight years ago. He says that Toyota USA is paying him 74% of what he paid them for the truck in 2000. Toyota knows that my friend probably hasn’t done the math and doesn’t realize what the two most recent administrations have done to the dollar since 2000. The way the dollar is presently tumbling on the world market, it won’t be long before Toyota will be able to take in trades, give the owner 120 % of what the owner originally paid for the truck, and still make money.

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5. Are you hearing words that you never heard before? Well, this can happen from time to time if you’re in graduate school, and perhaps every day if you’re even younger. But now even some of us older folks, who can still remember when Americans could get decorated for shooting a fascist, are hearing words we never heard before. These words usually pop up in the 30 second breaks that infest our favorite tv shows. They are compound words or multi-syllabic words. And when you hear people saying these words, colorful butterflies on the screen flutter around in flower beds. You have already guessed that these words describe diseases. They are diseases that you had never heard of before, but now when they list the symptoms your jaw drops and you know your days are numbered. So why do they open the door to this pantheon of unprecedented afflictions? Only by inventing a new disease can they sell you a pill that will cure it.

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6. People in Maine are often accused of being provincial, but Marsha and I used to visit relatives in Sweden and Holland from time to time. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to go again because in the past six or seven years the dollar has dropped like a rock in value. According to the chart I just looked at, in just the past year the dollar has lost 13 cents against the European dollar which I think they call the Euro. I don’t know what we’ve been doing to drive down the value of the dollar, do you? You might have even seen Jim Cramer on that television show Mad Money, advising people to invest in a bank in Peru. I think that’s what he said. As I recall, he said that the government in Peru is different from ours: they pay their bills, and he advised American citizens to look to Peru for an investment opportunity. What has happened to make all these other countries lose interest in the American dollar? I don’t know. If you can figure it out please tell me. Oh, I should mention that one of the things I enjoy the most about Sweden is that no one says, "Have a nice day."

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7. Perhaps you read in the newspaper that someone has been charged with the theft of 20 pounds of seafood, after a man found his wife naked in a closet with another man. The reader can only assume that she was picking out shrimp.

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8. I recently heard that a local woman once refused to marry Marshall Dodge, of Bert & I fame. When I mentioned it to my friend lawyer Crandall, he said, "Well, he did talk kind of funny."

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9. Years ago my cousin Truman Hilt applied for a job staging fight scenes in the movie Mel Gibson filmed in Camden. When they asked Cousin Truman if he'd had any experience, Truman replied, "Well, I was married for 6 years."

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10. Boston, New York and Hartford people very often laugh at those of us who live on the Maine coast, but they wouldn't be able to earn a living up here. It's too different from anything they've ever experienced. Think of the difference: here in Maine when you come back to work on Monday morning, all of your tools and supplies are still there.

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11. Will we ever outgrow the different way we think about people and animals? When people die in wars defending their country they are respected and we put up monuments in their honor. These people are heroes. But there are those who now think it is terrible when a laboratory mouse dies defending our health.

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12. Do you look like the picture on your driver's license? Is it the kind of picture that you pull out of your pocket and show around? I once asked my friend Winky why he looks so much younger than he does in the picture on his driver's license and he said, "It was an old picture."

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13. Some people down my way finally have the barking dog ordinance that they have wanted. The ordinance to silence the domestic quadrupeds was initiated by Albert Feek, who complained that his neighbor's dog had barked every night for three weeks. Well, what would you think if your neighbor’s dog barked every night for three weeks? What would you do? Two days ago, Feek had the satisfaction of seeing the dog shipped off to his neighbor’s cousin’s house in Washington County, where dogs are still considered family members of the household. Are you listening? Late last night, when Feek returned from the contra dance at Simington’s Corner, he discovered that his grand piano and living room furniture were gone. Police report that a big van bearing New Jersey plates had been seen in the area for the past three weeks.

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14. A South Thomaston man, who went off the road in his car, jumped out and hid the beer in the woods. Well, it is the first thing most people think of when they get in an accident, isn't it? The next day he went back and looked around. An old man watched him for awhile and finally said, "I drank it." In an unrelated incident, one of my friends told me that there was an accident on his lawn. The guys driving took the beer out of the car and threw it down over the banking. My friend went down and got it and stood on his lawn drinking it as he watched the police and the wrecker haul the car away. These two stories illustrate why so many people in Knox County have scanners in their kitchens. If you can be the first person at the scene of an accident, there's a good chance you can find the beer that the driver hid in the bushes.

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15. A Rockland woman was overheard to say that she'd like to have a coat made of coyote skins. The immediate consensus of those in attendance was that it would be impossible --- the animal would become an endangered species before the coat could be finished.

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16. A Rockport woman, who subscribed to an expensive exercise program called, "Thirty Days To Thinner Thighs," allegedly received a postcard in the mail that said, “Walk ten miles every day.”

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17. Alan Ames of Cushing tells me that he was driving on a three lane freeway in Rochester, New York, when an old lady, who was going the wrong way, sideswiped him. He says she didn't stop because she was talking. Somehow, she got by 150 more cars before she hit one hard enough to stop her. Later, she told Ames, "I'm a good driver --- I don't drink or smoke. I didn't hit anyone --- they hit me." Ames says he got $260 for where she hit him. Luckily his car wasn't totaled, or he'd only got $100.

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Hi Humble,

Although fully aware of all of this all along, I haven't ever yet joined in on this discussion, but I am in complete agreement...

I am very consciously NOT supporting Maine public radio for this very reason... in spite of their illustrious claims of being 'unbiased' (& supposedly not impacted by corporate and/or governmental influence), repeatedly I'm astonished by what is often very blatantly biased programming & reporting. And needless to say, the cancellation of your program pushed me over the edge < as regrettably, it was immediately evident 'why' the program had been cancelled.

Granted, wonderful programming overall, providing a valuable wealth of information not readily available via any of the average sources, and indeed infinitely superior to the main stream crap (of course...this is a given...we all know this!!!).

Yet with this said, it is inexcusable relative to their history & stated mission.

And even more so, particularly now relative to the serious gravity of the socio/political/cultural crisis we're faced with at this time in history in this country, how very critical it is that they not succumb to paranoia, complacency, and/or any external pressures, It simply doesn't add up!

I was fortunate to have heard a number of your programs that were apparently 'frightening' to whoever, and as silly as it may seem, I was thrilled by your simple observations, honesty & candor.

Yet however 'casual recognition' it was for me at the time, I simultaneously experienced a genuine excitement, a mixture of both delight and a feeling of being energized, inspired & hopeful upon hearing an honest real assessment being expressed.

But at the same time in spite of any of your opinions being intelligent & obviously entirely logical (and oh so refreshing!), admittedly I also suspected that in the current reactionary environment of this country, it wouldn't fly, and...well, the rest is history...

Regrettably, we still live in very primitive times in a very immature culture...Americans have a lot of growing up to do & a lot to learn

. Thank you Humble for your good work & bravery.

But you know, what does my statement reflect?!?!...isn't it in fact a sad state of affairs that one would even have to identify your simple honest intelligent dialogue as 'bravery'.

Wow!, where are we?!

Regards,

Craig