The humble Farmer at Bowdoin College, January 31, 2003

The War Rant February 28, 2003

Big-time rant coming up right now on war.

How do you feel about war? I probably shouldn't take sides, being privileged as I am to sit --- with your permission --- behind this microphone, but I am going to come right out and admit that I don't care for war. No, it's not the war itself that bothers me. It's the needless killing and starvation and destruction and expense part of war that bothers me.

You might argue with me and say that war is the only way we can control the world's population. You might tell me that birth control is not a good thing but there is nothing wrong with millions of young men dying gloriously on the field of battle defending their country. You might tell me that we've got to have wars because if the population continues to increase at the present rate, in 500 years there won't be standing room on this planet. And I've got to admit that you've got me --- I can't say a word about that.

Let's admit it. You and I know that there are people who do like war. Many of them are the simple flag waving folks who will stand right up in public to show their support for a wimpy looking, weasely faced war monger from way down south who didn't even get most of the popular vote. There. I've said it and I'm glad. But this is public radio so you shouldn't be surprised to learn where I stand. And besides the support from flag wavers, you know that when there's a war every big company stands to make money. So you'll find the unions standing right beside management when you're talking big time war.

It's pretty hard to stop a war when the man --- who calls himself the leader --- wants a war. You'll notice that he starts out by sword rattling --- lets all the other world leaders know that he's got to make a move very soon to protect the safety and well-being of his people --- no matter how far away it is. And if he says the same thing over and over and over there will be a few people out there who say to themselves, "Baaaa. You know, I think he's right. There are some bad guys out there who are killing our people. We've got more planes and tanks and guns and technology than anyone else, so why should we have to put up with it. Our leader says we'll hit them so hard and so fast it will be over before they knew what hit them. And before we are done, we will have restored order and sucked all the natural resources out of an unstable region."

All this while, even though the war-mongering, rat faced wimp knows what he's going to do no matter what, he's making a big public show of talking with the top guys in Russia and France and England --- trying to either get their support or keep them off his back while he blows half the world to kingdom come.

Agh. I've said enough about him. Every time I see him blabbing on TV I wonder how anyone could possibly have been stupid enough to vote for such an idiot. I comfort myself by knowing that most of the people who went to the polls didn't.

I'll bet you don't know that wimpy little weasel face wrote a book in which he very clearly outlines his plans. And it might surprise you to hear me say that if you haven't read it, you should. Got your pencil? The name of it is Mein Kampf.

Robert Skoglund


Comparing anyone to the author of Mein Kampf is totally and utterly ridiculous.

I am amazed and distressed that so many of my wonderful friends could stretch their imaginations enough to do so.

Unfortunate indeed is the man who, when hearing whispers about a "shameless slut," immediately speaks out in defense of his wife.


I was surprised to hear from radio management when I said on the air that I did not care for war and that Hitler was a rat faced wimp.

The following is my apology to management for saying on the air that I did not care for war and for calling Hitler a rat faced wimp.

Charles, Thanks for getting back to me. As you know I am not an on-air political animal. I am not even a political animal off air. But I saw nothing that would distress or cheer our radio friends by airing my opinion of a man who has been dead and gone for these 58 years. I didn't think we would have one listener who would write you a nasty letter after hearing my opinion on Adolph Hitler. I am blown away by the positive response.

But yes Charles, I would hesitate to say anything bad about Hitler again, because I have never before been hammered with so many love letters from one rant. I've spent many hours trying to answer them and I'm nowhere near the end. They are still coming in. You have, hopefully, read a few of the ones I sent to you. How nice it is to know that from time to time one says on the air something meaningful, something that people want to hear, in such a forceful and economical manner that people are moved to stand and cheer. You might note that, alas, I've only done it once. That wimpy rat Hitler could do it every time he spoke.

I did find one thing rather distressing about the great response. When people who tuned in late or only half heard me talking about a wimpy, rat faced war monger, some radio friends thought I was talking about the President of the United States. Charles, when people can hear someone on the radio talking about a wimpy, rat faced war monger and immediately assume that the narrator is talking about our President, our country is in big trouble.

You say that even you thought I was talking about Bush. You certainly don't think he is a rat faced wimp who wrote a book called Mein Kampf. Do you? Whatever could I have said that made you think I was talking about Bush? Please tell me. I'd like to know.

I do admit that I don't like wars, and I thought that was a pretty safe comment on public radio. If I have listeners who love Hitler and like war and I alienate them by saying that I don't care for Hitler and I don't care for war, so be it. I don't care if the NeoNazis listen to me or not. It might be nice if they did, of course, because they might learn something.

I understand that you can't feel that way, because a NeoNazi's pledge at fundraising time is just as good as that from a whining liberal.

You are right, of course. A balanced, fair and objective radio station cannot have a person on there blabbing to whomever will listen that he doesn't like war. Being public radio, we should offer no opinions whatsoever about war being either good or bad, but should let our friends in the audience decide for themselves.

One of the great things about public radio is that the programming is in no way biased, and you are correct in wanting to keep it that way.

You mention that you are hearing a lot about "this" right now. Do you mean you are hearing a lot about what I said about not caring for war? Or do you mean you are hearing a lot about my commentary on Hitler? Or do you mean you are hearing a lot about something else that might not concern me? I'm glad I'm not carrying your weight on my shoulders.

Thanks again for your support. If you'd like to see some good come of this, ask me to read that war rant or something similar again during pledge week. From the response I've received from it so far, the tainted money would pour in.

Yr obdnt srvnt


Thank you for writing the letters below and thank you for listening.

You might remember that a couple of weeks ago I gave you my opinion on Hitler. It was a rant about war and I admitted that I didn't care for war. Got quite a bit of feedback on it. I wasn't surprised to learn that so many people have the same feelings about Hitler as I do. But what was surprising was the fact that so many people took the time to write me nice letters agreeing with me. As is usual when you say something on the radio, some people only heard half of what I said, radio cut out or crackled, and therefore some of them got the opinion that I was talking about somebody else.

Bravo Please post the war rant on your website so I can copy and send it to everyone I know. Louise

I just heard your big political tirade and I say AMEN< AMEN< AMEN and I am not religious. People have to speak up but you will probably get hate mail and maybe a trip down to the camp for terrorists. haha You are clever. I know who you are talking about and so do the MAJORITY of us who did not vote for HIM> It is funny how life turns and twists. I have a friend down in Raymond, NH who thought you were the greatest years ago and I thought he was silly then I got to listening and I was hooked. I have always liked kooky people. You better be at the Brubeck concerts. We should all celebrate a little in some way. Bev

Dear Humble- My husband and I listen to you every Friday night. Oh, Boy! You hit the nail on the head tonight!!! Loved that little diatribe you did on the warmonger that none of us elected. Well said! Caustic Maine satire. Loved it.Also noticed that you followed it up with "Bones" and a little later with When Johnny Comes Marching Home.Pat ,Newcastle

Who in their right mind like war? However; your expressed opinion, Friday night, about war and President Bush's desire to keep this country safe from terrorism, correctly fits the ostrich head in the sand character that you portray. This world is too small for regimes like present Iraq to exist. Ask the Jewish people is doing nothing would have been appropriate during Hitler's regime. If it weren't for tough talk and 200,000 brave troops; Sadam Hussein would ignore the UN. Jerry from NH

Dear Humble,

My apologies to you. I heard all of the text on the radio, except the most important part, the punchline; I failed to hear the last paragraph in its entirety. I only heard the words "Mein Kempf". My almost perfect wife was shuffling around and I missed the key words. I feel better now. I'm not normally so expressive about my thoughts; I had heard enough President bashing through the day and felt the need to say something about it. I enjoy the show and have listened from many years, right back when you broadcasted on Wednesday evenings. Sorry for the confusion. Again, my apologies to you. Sincerely, Jerry from NH

I want to thank you for saying what you did tonight @ 7:25. I know no one [that I respect] who doesn't share your feelings, yet I have heard little who expressed it so well. You are right up there with Margaret Chase Smith . God Bless john and debbie

Thank you , Humble, for the rant on our supremely elected president and the situation he has created for us all. I am grateful for the breath of fresh air. Holding on in Waldoboro.....

Dear Robert,

Are you aware of the newly revised Patriot Act? It was leaked from the Justice department a week ago and Bill Moyers at PBS got his hands on it. He reported on it in last weeks NOW program and it's posted in its entirety on The Bush administration is waiting to trot it out and deliver it to congress for passage. Waiting until we're at war so the congressmen will be too chicken to even read it, much like the first one. Well, the reason I asked is because it gives John 'Goering' Ashcroft the right to do secret arrests of American citizens, hold more people of all sorts without charges or information, and revoke a person's citizenship for donating money to the wrong charity. After your 'rant' (which seems to be one of 3 things Bushies complain about when hearing the truth, the other 2 being incorrect facts and Clinton references) I suspect that giving to public radio's coffers would land one in jail! Bia and I loved every word and I would like a transcript to send to my friend Steve (see below), if you could email me one. We were dumbfounded at your accuracy, vehemence and truth! We love you more than ever and, from now on, I will not miss 1 show if I'm in the area. Best regards, Gary in Portsmouth PS: Do you know of or receive the NH Gazette? It speaks to some of the issues in your rant and you would love the writing, I'm guessing. Good irony and humor in a fortnight publication. If you don't get it I would like to make a gift of a year's subscription to you. Just let me know and I'll get ahold of my friend Steve Fowle, the author and decedent of the original publisher. It is the oldest newespaper in the nation.

Dear Humble Farmer,

Friday night Feb 28 2003 I thought I was the only one who thought the same way as you so strongly stated in your out spoken statement on our President . You hit it on the head. THANK YOU. This is exactly what he is acting like .Thank you again. Sincerely, Doris in Fryeburg Thank you for your program also . Wonderful entertainment. Thank you Doris

Dear humble,

I loved your rant about George Bush! You will probably get so much mail from whoever the people are who support him, that you will regret you ever said anything. I just wanted to let you know that I couldn't agree more. Best regards, Dan, Cape Elizabeth

Greetings from downtown Yarmouth!!

I listen to you show most Fridays while I lie on a futon on our floor playing dead in the dark (it's the only way to convince my twin two year old daughters to lie down next to me and fall asleep...). Well, I sat right up at attention (Rosie wasn't being fooled anyhow) with joy hearing your comments about our weasel-faced "Christian" idiot president. Rock on, Humble, and move those bones around.-Landis

Dear Humble Farmer,

I haven't been listening to your show for very long at all, but I'm pretty sure that it's one of the best things ever. My boyfriend, Jason, and I loved your rant on war and the idiot in the White House on this past show. It was very refreshing. But, the main reason I try to remember to listen to your show (which I really wish was at least 2 hours long, by the way) is because the music you play is so fantastically good. It usually makes me think of summer, and picnics, and those sorts of things, and then I HAVE to dance to a lot of the songs, and my cats take turns dancing with me. Do you have a cat, and if so, could you tell us a bit about it on your show? Maybe you could play a song my cats might particularly enjoy? We all send our best-Heather and the kittens- Moxie, Cebolla, and Dinah on Longfellow St. in Portland(oh, and Jason too)

Mr. Humble farmer,

Forgive my tears of gratitude, but up until you spoke your cherished words a few moments ago (Feb. 28program) on the state of the Union, I had me bethought that we were living back in the days of Red Cultural Revolution, in which if you failed to produce your slogan for the month, your flag or Mao's little book on your person you would be a marked man for good. Our pundits' serious retorts to this daily barrage of national flame fanning has had the effects of a gigantic yawn, having fallen short of the mark, principally on the account of their failure to laugh out loud at the momo of the elected bovine class of 2001, a race of clubfooted miscreants right out of Orwellian 1984... Well, until you sent a spear through all that fumbling and foam with such combination of bygone humor and Farm Animal nostalgia, that made myself and my wife scream in delight. To live to see the day when the technologically saddled cattle are herded at will to sandy pastures, when the well-fed oxen been castrated unbeknown to themselves, and the meat is delivered processed and canned for mass consumption... A copy of Mein kampf occupies a place of its own on my shelf. The publishers inform the reader that it should come as no surprise they are of Jewish faith, for to forget is to set yourself up for a repeat of history. The similarities have not escaped this listener, and to hear another more courageous voice, can give boundless when the skies clear once again for the light to pour over a writer's frozen limbs My dear sir, you know well how man has only so many ways at his disposal to take over the world. Though the ideology may be shaped and reshaped like mud, the methodology is always the same. Herding, in particular, has always counted as the chief talent here on earth for the politician and the agent of doom alike. Often, they borrow each other's costume. We, my wife and I, are grateful for your most penetrating and profound commentary, delivered in the simplest of speech free from shampoos and deodorants, on the nation's dire state of affairs...shall we call it a direct hit, sir? May you be blessed. Yours respectfully, Tristan & Eden

Dear Humble,

Just heard your last show, and wanted to be one of the many that congratulated you on your rant about the "war". I was out in my garage trying not to lose any more fingers to the table saw, and cheered at the end of it. I think I even recognised the texan pipsqueak you were talking about ! Anyhow I would like to know if I can get a copy of your audio rant, do you have it electronically ? I'd like to send it to my eldest son, at University, one of the ones that the emporer would like as cannon fodder. Thanks, and let me know Another insignificant other, Colin, Hampden, Maine America - Love it, leave it, or change it. PS The reason I listen to your show, is your excellent selection of old classic jazz. Keep it coming.

Dear humble,

I was deeply impressed with your comment on the show about the impending folly called "war" and he who is foisting it upon an innocent world. I am sure you will get your share of "hate mail" for it. I, however, am grateful for your words of encouragement to those of us who, like you, are sickened by the current path of the US. I marched in Washington in January, and virtually in February. I expect I will continue to rage against this most moronic President as long as he is with us. Thank you for your courageous words of support. We each need to keep letting others know there are lots of patriotic Americans who do not feel protected nor represented by our current leader.

Lesley, MD Dover-Foxcroft

Bravo, Bravo, Bravissimo!! Your show is always great- rant away! Heil Bush? David, Lee, NH W is for wacko (or I always thought so- maybe it's for weasel?)

Hi Humble,

Well having re-read your rant very carefully, and the comments of your other reader, I guess you were right. Both the saw and my own desires conspired for me to hear just what I wanted to hear. Isn't that unusual !. Communication would be a wonderful thing, but at least I still have all my fingers ! Anyhow, good luck with the emails.


Dear Humble,

I, and the other almost perfect woman tuned in to the middle of your last Fridays nights rant. If she was the perfect woman, Priscilla would have tuned in to the beginning of your show, and we would have been able to record the entire rant for our friends. Being that this didn't happen, I've been on-line desperately looking for a downloadable HFrant file. I've been over to and Maine Public Radio looking for a way to download your eloquent use of words (rant) which prove that history can repeat itself. Thanks for reminding us that this happens when people forget their history. I did manage to find your own website and am anxiously waiting to see your commentary being posted. In closing I just want to say that your show definitely warrants being posted on

Truly Yours' David from Portland

Dear Humble:

We were dancing around our kitchen/dining area last night, enjoying our Friday evening, when we suddenly remember Oh No it's time for Humble! And by then it's almost 7:30, and we turn you on and you're in the middle of your rant about Iraq and Bush and we're riveted, cheering you on, while also running around trying to find a tape to tape it. WHY didn't we turn you on as we usually do at 7:00? We're sorry we missed the beginning. We found your expressions of disgust so to the point. We're not your average rabble rousers, but like so many people, we hunger for honest, eloquent expressions of dissent that aren't softened for the "media"--and these are hard to find on the radio --certainly not on TV. We had the pleasure of meeting you maybe 4 years ago, at the Common Ground fair. And we're great fans of the program. Thank you for your always acerbic, funny, sly commentary--such a refreshment every Friday evening, and now, in these times, so absolutely necessary. Plus you play the greatest jazz. A perfect combination. Now I have to figure out if I can download your entire show this evening because we want to hear the whole Iraq thing--and pass it on to friends elsewhere who can't get Maine Public Radio. I can't tell on the MPR site if you can be downloaded. Hope so! Meanwhile, we send you our humblest huzzahs.

Priscilla and David Portland

Dear humble,

I heard your rant about the "President" Friday night and I wholeheartedly agree! It is good that some people on the radio are expressing opinions of world affairs as they actually are, instead of the usual mass media propaganda...

John, Concession NS

Dear humble,

Hmmmmm. Wait a minute - Mein Kampf. You were referring to Adolf Hitler. I admit I have always been slow to get the gist of things, but how could I have confused George Bush with Adolf Hitler? He doesn't have a mustache. Boy, I AM ashamed. It sounds like you have had a lot of response.

It seems to me you have started a little furor with this commentary.

[I am slow, myself, Dan. I read over "little furor" in your letter several times before I got it --- even though I already had it in my rant: "... who calls himself the leader (Der Fuhrer)..." humble]

(Sorry. I'm sure it's a tired joke by now.) Thanks for the invite; cookies and milk sounds good.

Best regards, Dan

i admire your courage. your friday night description of our president{???} and his policies make me feel like sayng "i wish i had said that". keep up the good work but be prepared fpr the barrge of propaganda that you are sure to get from the syndicate. if you have any scheduled shows in the kittery area pls let me know. i enjoy your music and look forward to friday nights. p.s. i`m a "bones" fan.

nick lunig

Dear Humble,

Just wanted to let you know someone forwarded your comments re "the weasely faced" member of the Gang of Four -- RIGHT ON!!!!! I am currently reading "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich," and the reference to "Mein Kampf" was chilling and accurate. Only Adolf's IQ was much higher than the dim bulb we get to see grinning and drooling on TV. It is so refreshing to hear someone speak the TRUTH.


Dear Humble Farmer,

My husband and I listen to your radio show often and enjoy it very much. Your comments this week about the war and George W. were like a breath of fresh air. It's nice to know there are some clear thinkers our there. Keep up the good work.

Jean and Gordon

Dear humble farmer:

I am a loyal listener of your radio program for many years and love it. But Friday's show made me scream with delight to the top of my lungs. I loved your little speech on the present government and their obsession with war. You took the words from my mouth. Many of us thank you for your courage and patriotism!! Take care and God bless.

Dorothea, PhD


Good Friends,

I can never thank you enough for permitting me to entertain you (and perhaps even contribute to your education) over these past 25 years.

Please remember that I have learned much more from you than you have from me.

Thank you again for writing and thanks for listening.

Please stop in at the farm this summer for a glass of milk and a cookie. We are always glad to see you.


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